Yo dont text me then not text me
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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