ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
