so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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