I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
