Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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