So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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