"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
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You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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