I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
