I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
you win again, gameday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
