So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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