Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
