Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
