Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just gargled with NyQuil
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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