Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
