I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
