I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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