he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
