Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he laminated a picture of his dick.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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