it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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