how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
