I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
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The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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