i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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