That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
