someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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