Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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