I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
