is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
