Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
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