mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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