just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
