An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
