I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
