it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
