dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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