woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
