She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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