If i could tip my vagina, i would.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Randomize
