How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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