I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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