who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
