Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
