I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
