forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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