Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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