if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
