I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
