I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
