my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
