All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
