I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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