i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My feet surprised me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
