Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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