Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
