(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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