i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
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Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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