We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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