we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
