my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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