Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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