yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
