is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
