why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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