my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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