Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
