I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
