The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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