dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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