saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
