my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
