it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
