I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
