I'm lost and stupid without you.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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