none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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