Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
