OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize